Saying Goodbye

I’m not ready to say goodbye 

to the chapter I am in now.

I don’t know if I want to.

I don’t think I know how.

But then again I must say,

I’m ready to see some days go.

I’m ready to see some chaos end

or at least for it to slow.

This stage has been so short 

but also so sweet.

In many ways its been simple.

But in others its been quite a feat.

I’m sad to see them grow

And move on ahead.

I’m sad to see their cribs

Slowly turn into beds.

I’m sad to see a day where their little hands 

stop reaching for mine.

I’m sad for when I one day hear

“I can do it myself, I’m fine.”

I’m sad to see them walk out of a room 

and never come back the same.

I’m sad because I don’t know when that will happen,

for time isn’t mine to tame. 

But on a flip side I also can’t wait 

For these very moments lying ahead. 

I am excited for their growth,

Even though it often fills me with dread.

But that’s what I’ve found,

Saying goodbye at this stage is a no easy chore.

Its missing them while they’re still standing in front of you.

Its closing a door and so much more.

Its a grief unlike any other

And often hard to explain. 

Its a grief we don’t recognize

Because of its unique pain.

It’s one single emotion where we feel joy 

And we feel sad.

It’s something to celebrate 

since technically it isn’t bad.

But it still hurts and forever will continue to.

To see time slip through our fingers, no matter what we do.

So no, Im not ready to say goodbye quite yet.

But I have no other choice. 

Time has never been for the mother to set.