At some point in pregnancy, I’m will to guess that almost every woman will have a cringe-worthy moment, just like I have experienced so far in the past 22 weeks. Maybe a complete stranger makes an offensive comment or your family makes an innocent remark that rattles you. Whether you’re friends with someone who is pregnant, married to a pregnant woman, or just your average person on the street, here is what I think are 10 of the worst things you can say to a pregnant woman.
- When are you due? Next Month? Never guess when a woman is due, no matter how confident you are in your guess. Sure I know it may be harmless but for many women, it can send mixed signals of “am I too big or not big enough?” OR WORSE, she may NOT be pregnant at all! If you know the person, asking her due date is perfectly fine. Go with “When are you due?” Full stop.
- Finally! Even if you knew that this couple had been trying to get pregnant, it is best to not anything along the lines of “It’s about time.” Keep in mind your audience because maybe it’s an unexpected surprise or perhaps they had to go through several rounds of IVF. Guessing that you most likely don’t know everything about their fertility journey, the only response I’d recommend to any pregnancy announcement is “Congratulations!”
- You sure you need to eat that? My sweet husband said something along these lines as a JOKE while on vacation and was then subject to his hysterical pregnant wife crying in the middle of a bar. I knew he was kidding around because just earlier I was poking fun at my growing self but for some reason, hearing it come out of his mouth was 100% different. Chalk it up to hormones or whatnot but it made me look like a nut case and my poor husband felt more than terrible. So moral of the story, let the pregnant lady do all the making fun of herself. Or better yet, if she does poke fun at herself, combat it with positive thoughts because that is honestly what she needs in that moment.
- Stories about painful or difficult labor and delivery. As a first time mother, this is the last thing I want to hear. For starters, I have ZERO clue myself what to expect. So until that day, I’d prefer to think my labor and delivery will be all sunshine and daisies. Granted that I know it most likely won’t be but please do me a favor and humor me and try not freak me out with your stories about tearing or pooping during delivery (who wants to hear that anyway?)
- Stories about how easy it is to be pregnant and/or give birth. Now on the other end of the spectrum, this is one thing I have to mind myself when talking with other mamas or moms-to-be. I had it pretty easy getting pregnant and so far (knock on wood), my pregnancy has been pretty non-eventful also. I realize that many women are not as lucky and will most likely want to punch me when I tell them this. Of course, I still have a ways to go until baby is here, so I may be singing a different tune at the end of the next 18 weeks but until then I will just mind my own thoughts and just not say anything at all.
- Stories that end in death. During the past 22 weeks, I am more than shocked at the number of people who have told me stories that ended in some kind of tragedy. I didn’t want to hear about a miscarriage at 20 weeks, a still birth at 38 weeks or a crib death. Trust me, I’m already a pretty neurotic person so this DOES NOT HELP! So please, for the love of God, just keep your lips sealed on this one.
- I bet you’re hoping for a boy/girl! Gender disappointment happens, but you don’t have to draw attention to it. Also, you might be wrong. For myself personally, I never cared one way or another what the baby was. The only thing that has mattered to me is that the baby stays healthy. Now that we know we are having a girl, the new thing people like to say is “I bet your husband is a little disappointed it’s not a boy.” Of course he would have loved a son but he is just as excited to be having a daughter. Again, he doesn’t care and neither should you. So shush yourself!
- Was it an accident or planned? Um, well that is definitely none of your business to start but regardless, does it really matter? All that matters is that I’m happy about it. End of story.
- Are you sure it’s not twins? Do you prefer I punch you in the face or kick you in da nuts?
- You really should/shouldn’t ______. Everyone has an opinion, and for some reason a baby bump is like being a moving target. While I do appreciate that you are looking out for my well being, this is my pregnancy and NOT YOURS. This may come as a shocker but I know my body better than you and I will do what I believe is best for myself and my growing babe. Now, if you see a pregnant lady taking shots of tequila, shooting up in the bathroom and smoking a pack of cigarette, by all means go and share your opinion with them.
So now that all of these are said, instead of any of the aforementioned comments, why don’t you play it safe and try one of these:
- You look great!
Trust me on this one, if you stick with one or both of these, and you’ll be in the clear and us pregnant ladies will thank you 🙂